i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
