you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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