Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
