i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Randomize
