I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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