cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
