the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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