I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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