Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
