you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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