So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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