I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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