Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
