I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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