called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
