I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
