I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
