i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
