Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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