it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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