You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
