I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
