I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
