i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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