Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize