It's Friday. Sex?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
