Moan for me like Helen Keller
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She even gives head with a lisp.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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