Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
