We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
