fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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