the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
