Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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