i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sober January is a disaster.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
