That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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