Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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