Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
