Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
