can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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