i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
