He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
