oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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