The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
