My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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