Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
