HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
