I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
