i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
