And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
