He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
