Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
