he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
