You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Less talking, more tequila
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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