My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
