I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
