Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
