I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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