I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
