So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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