she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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