Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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