she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
